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 My Very Specific Taste 


archived:  31 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Lost the weekend to a lot of music-making. Am now farther behind on my thesis than ever. It's fine. I mean, it's not, but whatever WHATEVER whatever.

I'm in full panic mode. In or near tears 25/8. It's fun. That's fun, right?????

Anyway, I'm trying to stay focused to get stuff prepped for work tomorrow because I'm barely more than on time for any and all planning. And they want us to be a week out and like LOL wtf seriously? We've all had to start over COMPLETELY with what we do and you just expect me to have loads of shit ready to go. Adorable. Fucking adorable.

I already know I'm going to go home and nto work on my thesis some more tonight. And that's fine. I don't have enough hours in the day and that's just the way it is. I guess I could stop sleeping. That's a ton of wasted time.

I'm gonna go. No one wants to hear this incessant whining.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Cannot Easily Heal 


archived:  28 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Today is going well. I like being outside to do work. I'll miss it when it's over. Lol

I am gonna have to spend a lot of this weekend working and there's nothing to e done for it despite my best efforts.

I have stress pain in my shoulders and I'm not entirely sure why. I don't feel stressed mentally, and I don't have anxiety pains in my cheset. But I guess I'm feeling it and my shoulders is where that's gonna be happening.

I am ready for days off. We have a Monday off but it's not until Sept 7 which feels like FOREVER from now but that's okay. I'm working on being okay. I'm working on letting stuff go. It's really really fucking hard.

Gonna keep this short cos I want to take some time to just do nothing for about 20 minutes before heading back outside. Gotta do that self-care, ya know?

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Your Actions Disappoint Your Words 


archived:  27 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Today is off to such a good start. I wish I had solitary work itme at the start of every day. I get so much more done and my brain isn't a fog of panic and stupid multi-tasking attempts.

So anyway I have a whole 'nother hour until I have to actually be doing things and it's just AMAZING????? I like to be at work to work on things for solo time early in the morning because that is my peak productivity time. I need to streamline my workflow so that I can use this time to work on stuff for my thesis. Because legit after about 10 am my brain is worthless for doing anything that is particularly thinky or academic.

Maybe I'll go ahead and have a snack. Eating breakfast ast 5 am means I'm always hungry around 9 am and I don't have any work to do until 9:30 so I might as well make sure my stomach isn't all rumbly and terrible while I have time.

I also finally just today mastered tying my COVID mask on in a way that is secure but doesn't put it painfully tight against my face. The learning curves this year are weird AF y'all.

Talk soon.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 The Woman Who Was Removed 


archived:  26 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Hello

Every time I post it is to say that the past few days have been a lot. And it's never not true.

But it's as boring to type ad nauseumas it is, I'm sure, to read it.

We're almost done mastering our album. The friend we have working on the album art is making good progress. I am going to upload our corporate//astrololgy & toadlilies ~collaboration~ to our distro soon. I'm just so tired.

I am going to try to update in the morning when I'm not so tired that I wish I was dead. In a bone-weary way, not a suicidal ideation way. I'm far too exhausted to put any effort into dying.

Good night.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 So Much 


archived:  22 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Met with my advisor last night. It went really well. She is much more confident in my ability to get shit done than I am. I am grateful because she was a little more forceful than usual about me setting deadlines and getting shit done which is what I needed. I have my research questions and my single sentence purpose writte n, so that's good.

I have a huge zit forming inside of one of my nostrils and it is KILLING me. It's extra bad because my covid masks press against the tip of my nose and it is just really uncomfortable. LE SIGH

I've been working a lot on my spanish on Duolingo. I did a lot of research and most language acquistion experts say the platform matters less than the continual practice. So I figure it's fine. I took a shit ton of spanish in high school, so right now I'm just working on testing into level 1 of as much of it as I can. I have this annoying problem where I can piecemeal what a sentence says and I'm a little bit concerned that doing that with written spanish is going to make it more difficult for me to actually get a handle on spoken and listened-to spanish. But I also know that as I progress to levels 2-5 I'm going to have to slow down to allow for better vocabulary learning. Right now I'm just going to go fast to go slow. I figure when I start hitting a wall I'll just have to slow my ass down.

I'm feeling better today than I was yesterday. I'm going to have to spend a chunk of time tomorrow prepping my work stuff for Monday/Tuesday, but for now I'm good where I'm at for making progress on my thesis proposal and for what I need for next week for work. I'm being more mindful of spending quality time working on stuff rather than marking out a chunk of time which I then waste fucking around on The Internet.

I still want to move the fuck out of this country. Please send me jobs in Barcelona, Spain that pay actual decent salaries.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Let's Not Pretend 


archived:  21 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Well first week back at work is done. I still wish we were working from home, but the compromise my workplace has is better than the no compromise at every other workplace like mine in the area.

I have to go to a meeting in 7 minutes so I am going to keep this short.

Things are fine. Music is fine. Work is fine.

I'm kind of bleh about everything so while everything is "fine" nothing makes me happy.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Sunblock 


archived:  19 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Well today is going pretty all right. I super respect the resiliency of the folks I work with (not coworkers) because they are working with minimal tech until the better stuff arrives and they are just making it WORK.

I wish neocities wasn't so laggy. I get, in theory, about how to mount my site from a harddrive, but I do not get it in practice. This would be a lot easier to do if I was just working from teh desktop instead of a browser tab. Also I guess I could have less than one million browser tabs open but LOL that is never going to happen.

I wish I could regulate my body temperature better. I'm always either too hot or too cold and I would like at least a brief Goldilocks respite. I end up with heat-induced migraines and it takes me Too Long to figure it out and then I am just suffering for days on end.

But anyway yeah today is good. I hope I can keep up momentum and get some actual writing done on my thesis today. I need to get my head on right. Fuck.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Amidst the Uproar 


archived:  18 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Today was the first day of remote work from...work. It went well. As usual, the group of people I am actually employed to work with are not the problem. It's my coworkers. And no, that's not the same thing. Anyway today was good and that's good.

I learned recently that Simone du Beauvior and Jean-Paul Sartre were basically Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein and I'm just really fucking tired of people not being pieces of shit. My bar is already so low. Any lower and I would have no standards at all. Like fucking hell fix your shit.

I'm tired. I need to work on my thesis proposal. I'm tired.

I'm so fucking tired.

I think tomorrow I'm gonna work on putting together a schedule for myself. Being back at work has made getting anything else done so fucking hard.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 What Made You Want to Run 


archived:  16 August 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Wow. Half of August, just gone.

Work is remote-ish. I am presuming we're going to end up full-remote sooner than later because a full half of my coworkers are fucking trash. Not distancing, not wearing masks, noses hanging out. Fucking disgusting.

Doctoral work is still a nightmare. Like I'm REALLY EXCITED about my topic but I am just loathe to do any of the work. Bleh.

I don't really know what else to talk about. I'm wrung out and everything is a lot all the time. I guess that's how 3 weeks flew by without me updating here.

A friend gave me their Shudder login and I'm so happy. I need to write about Blood Quantum. For now just know that it's AWESOME and there's a bonus episode of  Light Treason News  where Allison interviews the director, Jeff Barnaby.

I'm gonna go watch some ASMR and try to get my head together.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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