Well, it's been forever but I'm here!
Let me just say, applying for jorbs in the tech industry is a 100% nightmare. I'm 2/5 through hopefully getting one and it's just glacial but also I need to get out of my current employment situation yiiiiiiiikes.
I'm watching Gumball episdoes at work because I'm tired of everything. Perfect dose of both hilarity and nihilism, and at the perfect ratio.
I'm fucking tired. Forever tired. I am trying so hard. Maybe in a couple weeks I will have a new job, won't be expoed to covid daily, and be a real, whole person.
Maybe
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Please be safe.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
Stay safe.
Wow, the sun is out and I'm 100% a new person. I have to remember to bring my happiness light back to work. It's been sitting in a bag untouched since I brought it home at the start of Covid. Maybe I should also have one for at home. Goodness knows I'm not getting shit doen there either.
I don't have a whole lot to say. Our album is finished. Our cover art is glorious. It'll get posted to Distrokid soon, which means it'll be LIVE soon.
We're working on another project that is kind of post-pop punk? And I fucking suck at it. I can't write good vocal melodies and I can't write lyrics without knowing what the vocal melody is going to be because that's how I parcel out syllables and it's just REALLY HARD TO DO WITH A GENRE OF MUSIC I WRITE OFF AS OVER SIMPLE AND EASY. I've apparently got a lot of crow to eat. Womp.
Wow I walked away from this unfinished. Anyway, I didn't really have a whole lot to add. I am gonna leave it at this for today.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Please be safe.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
Stay safe.
Update 150 (ish). I lost a couple entries when I was reformatting some stuff and I also have my consume entries so I'm probably slightly past that, but for html id purposes this is 150. So that's neat.
It got real cold here but at least we're not experiencing A NUCLEAR WINTER like California is????? Stuff is so fucking bad. I just can't. Living in the abject decline of your civilization is a real fuck. Just a real fucking fuck.
I'm going ot try to ... not read the news? I don't know I just realized that means I'd have to stop listening to every podcast I subscribe to and I don't care for that. I don't know what to do. I think, in a way I'm almost envious of the peole who just don't give a fuck about the pandemic. Not that I could ever be that brazen and hateful and self-centered, but just the ABILITY to BLITHELY like not notice or be bothered by anything? I feel like i'd be a lot more successful.
A coworker complimented me on my skills regarding tech and all that jazz at work and I didn't know how ot take it. I am bad at receiving compliments. I thought she was being facetious. But I AM really good at this shit. It is my jam. It's my entire doctoral thesis.
Anyway, I am just gonna have ot figure something out so I can stop being garbage in my academic career. Maybe I'll let my students hold me accountable. We'll see.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Please be safe.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
Stay safe.
Okay today is a manic energy day. I'm trying to make sure that energy is put to productive use and I think I've done a fairly decent job of it. I got my grading all caught up, got my stuff prepped for work tomorrow. Now I'm going to print approximately 200 pages of research at work. Because I can.
I was trying to use a workaround to install google file stream (ugh I hate google, but it's what my university uses) on my work machine but the .bat trick doesn't work. WOE BETIDE. I hate downloading and extracting giant zip files. Alas, here we are.
Sometimes when I'm having a panic attack I remember this documentary I saw when I was very young that said that all mammals will have approximately 2 billion heartbeats in their lifetime before their heart gives out. I think it was billion. Anyway, I think about that and I try desperately to slow my heart rate down. My brain is ridiculous. It's going to be my inveterately sedentary lifestyle that kills me, not an arbitrary numer of heartbeats.
Anyway I have an hour before I have to do anything at work and so I'm just gonna print these 44 PDFs and relax and play some games on my phone. My shoulders hurt so fucking bad last night because that's where all my stress lives and it sucks and I'd like to not repeat that today.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Please be safe.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
Stay safe.
I am treading water so hard. OR trying to swim upstream and the best I'm capable of is matching the pace of the water; I'm getting nowhere.
I can't manage time I don't have. I am using every minute of every day as productively as I can and it's just not enough. Nothing is enough. It is killing me.
I wish I had a better update for the start of this new month, but I don't.
I'm going to go desperately try to get ahead and continue to fail.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Please be safe.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
Stay safe.